I don't want to talk about sex, but.....

What role does media reportage about sex  have in perpetuating certain unhealthy behaviours or trend setting new ones as  an older woman I wonder sometimes if we are being manipulated, by someone who wants us all to be sexually active until the grave. Then I thought well who benefits from this? Besides my husband!

Occasionally we get the horror reports but mainly its a cold rehash served up with a thin topping of how we should all be doing it more, marketing sex  helps sells so many things.

For a start off, the authors of all the “how to” books then there’s the “why you should” books and the “what your missing out on” books. Besides books there is a whole merchandising and service/counselling industry that thrives on this “ sex for ever”, premise being promoted.

So yes there could be a capitalist plot to keep us at it.

But hey! why be sceptical, I don’t have to buy anything if I don’t want to I could just keep abreast of  developments couldn't I. With all this information about how to, etc we are experiencing a rise in STDs. Before the older people out there get all smug dare I say cocky!

There are specific concerns about the rise in STD s amongst the over 50s, so encouraging safer sex is a  good thing, right after all the statistics indicate a reluctance of older men to use condoms.  So lets reduce apathy, but doesn’t this information tell us something more sinister?    That among an age group that should know better there’s a whole lot of very “casual” unsafe sex, going on. (By definition, lacking commitment). The rise of STDs amongst seniors, knocks the shine off “ free love on a pension”, For me it conjures up a picture of Multi partners, experiencing low levels of intimacy, disingenuous affection, more than likely a hell of a lot of deceit and not much satisfaction.

I know this conclusion may seem to be a stretch but advocates of mature or even elderly intimacy point to and stress the health benefits, physical and emotional. of staying sexually active So if we can get everyone wearing a condom it will be cool?

No because this celebration of “senior sex” seems to allude to some pinnacle in human development.  Where emotional neediness is a thing of the past and relaxed physical enjoyment can be truly appreciated for itself, perhaps? Like a good Merlot of a bacon sandwich, no pun intended.

Does my old Bum still look good dear?

For those seeking to start again with someone new, being older surely makes one more vulnerable. Not necessarily mad like a bunny boiler, but sensitive to the risks involved in exposing your wrinkly behind to someone new.

I feel lying underneath the assertion, that we (the over 50s, 60s +70s) should be like rabbits, is the ever present insidious undermining of men and women in general, “If you can’t do this you’re not a real man/woman. Where there is a mismatch of needs in a relationship of course it needs to be managed with love and affection.

Nurse,"Mr Smith?" "yes that's me"

But what about accepting changes, getting older, and trying new things that are really fun and not pressurised?

I don’t want to talk about sex I want to have a laugh enjoy my grumpy old man, my life my family and love myself (no pun intended again). Happiness is the goal, sex isn’t necessarily the ball.  Hey wouldn’t you rather be happy than waiting in a queue at the STD clinic.

(platonic) Love 

Alison x